Penis Enlargement: The Long and the Short of it…

A few months ago I was asked to test a penis enlargement product called “The Male Edge” for a blog which shall remain unnamed. I said sure, why not? Not that I NEED such a thing (or would ever to admit to needing such a thing) but figured it can’t possibly work. And I’m happy to subject myself to all sorts of ridiculousness in the name of journalism (or money).

Of course I did no research into this product before agreeing to become a guinea pig.

I assumed the Male Edge was some sort of digestible placebo, or a light cream I could apply 2x daily.

But as it turns out, The Male Edge is basically a medieval torture device. It functions like those earrings worn by tattooed guys that work at cafés – those dudes with ear lobes stretched down to their shoulders through which one could pass, say, a bowling ball, or one’s fist. (I guess it’s no wonder that the only jobs they can get is in cafés…).

Note the gauze...

In essence, the Male Edge slowly stretches your Johnson out like taffy to increase its size.

According their web site (you really should watch their videos, and their Penis-o-Meter is truly worth your attention) “on average, men using the Male Edge increase their penis size by 28% in length and 19% in girth.” Unfortunately, the process takes at least 6 weeks, and it’s suggested it go on for up to SIX MONTHS.

I wisely decided that the paltry fee that was to be paid in exchange for writing this piece was not worth subjecting my Jan Hammer to weeks of ‘penis traction:’

Traction works by applying a steady stretch to the shaft of the penis. This causes tissue cells to divide and multiply – a well-known process called cytokinesis. Over time, this results in new tissue growth throughout the penis, making you visibly longer and thicker in a matter of weeks or months.

As you’ll see from the video (SFW—and yet the blog decided not to run it..?), I decided instead to try the Male Edge out on several surrogate penises—sausages from Wurstküche in downtown LA. Wurstküche is one of those restaurants you can’t really imagine being successful in Los Angeles, since the only thing  they serve is…well, sausages…and it’s in a very remote and somewhat sketchy area of downtown. Yet, they’re always packed.

Wurstküche carries a vast variety of delicious sausages, including bratwurst, kielbasa and for the more adventurous—rattlesnake & rabbit (among my favorites). I don’t love the restaurant space, but they sell the sausages to go for slightly less than the cost of eating them in-house. Perfect for your next LA BBQ! 

As for the Male Edge…

Is it truly insane? Yes.

Is it dangerous? Probably—it comes with a roll of gauze.

Does it come from Sweden? I think so.

Did it increase the size of my penis?

Watch and find out! (video is SFW!)

Afterward, I cooked the all the sausages and I have to say…even after undergoing several minutes of penile traction, the Kielbasa still tasted delicious. I guess that bodes well for perspective users of the Male Edge—whoever they are.


2 responses to “Penis Enlargement: The Long and the Short of it…

  1. Skanks for saving me from buying this horrible device. I’m going straight for surgery – why muck around?

  2. As an innocent bystander of Dan’s investigative journalism I would like to say that at least with this piece I benefited too…I got to eat a LOT of delicious sausage.

    Take that as you will.

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